The Very Model of a Modern Major Slytherin

Apparently Percocet gives me some seriously weird dreams.

Night before last I dreamed that Ari (my dog) made up a song about Pansy (the cat) and then wouldn't stop prancing around the apartment singing it.

It really loses something without the tune, but I can at least supply you with the lyrics:

Cute, cute, cute-the-cute,
Cute, cute, cute-the-cute,
Cute, cute, cute-the-cute,
Pansy is cute!

Mouse, mouse, mouse-the-mouse,
Mouse, mouse, mouse-the-mouse,
Mouse, mouse, mouse-the-mouse,
Pansy likes mouse!

Wash, rinse, repeat ad nauseum...


Yeah, hi, I still have SHINGLES.

Holy shit, ya'll. I have to take the time out to post about this one, because it's quite possibly the most hilarious thing that's ever happened to me. I'm dying here, OMG.

Okay, so. My shoulders have been all kinds of messed up lately, leading to some crazy knots in my shoulders and neck, which in turn have been leading to some horrid tension headaches and migraines. I finally got fed up with this situation and decided that I wanted to buy one of those super-powerful, hand-held massagers in the hopes that it might help loosen up the worst of the knots. Yes, the kind that women often buy as vibrators. I genuinely wanted it as a massager, though.

I looked around a bit, and I found one (new, of course!!) on ebay for about $10-15 less than I would have paid elsewhere. I ordered it. And it just arrived.

You guys. They automatically assumed I was buying it as a vibrator! They sent me brochures for sex toys. They gave me AN ATTACHMENT.

I shit you not.

AN ATTACHMENT.

Oh, god. Can't breathe; laughing too hard! ::dies x1,000,000::